It was a snowy January evening. I had recently submitted my review for Donkey Kong, and I wanted to celebrate a hard day’s work by visiting a bar, wearing my new hat. I am what you call a regular at this particular establishment. As a regular, you get used to things a certain way. The same old tacky Irish decorations, the wooden panelling, the bartender, and of course, the cheap beer, however, this particular time, it was different. Something was there that hadn’t been before. As I scanned the dank room again, I noticed what had changed.
There was this strange-looking box, with a Television on the front. When I asked the bartender what it was, he just rolled his eyes. That’s when I decided to investigate. As I drew closer, I began to hear these screeching beeps coming from the machine, I could see that the screen was displaying graphics. They were pixilated, almost like Undertale. Above the screen read “Pac Man”. It was an arcade cabinet, I later learned. I had never seen one before. On the screen was a yellow, pixelated circle, at least almost. A chunk was missing, almost like a pizza. The words “insert $0.25” kept flashing. Hypnotized by the flashing lights, I complied. I reached into my front pocket and paid the machine. As soon as I did, the game started.
You play as the titular character “Pac Man”, (though whether it is a man or not is a good question. Nothing about the design tells me it is a man). You run away from these colourful blobs, and try to collect yellow dots on a maze before the colourful blobs catch you. These blobs are supposed to represent ghosts, I think.
As I am playing the game, I think of how well that $0.25 was spent. I now could have endless fun playing this game! I got hit by a ghost once. That wasn’t good, but I carried on. I barely managed to get to the second stage. I got trapped and lost another life. That’s ok. I still have one left. I got around halfway through the second stage before I got caught by another ghost. I waited patiently to see my score and skipped through the “Continue?” screen, whatever that was. It showed my score. 3980. That seemed respectable, maybe not #1, but a top 10 high score for sure. 14930 was the LOWEST!!!!! The reason people get such high scores, I later learned, was that THEY PAY MORE MONEY TO WIN. It gives you the option to pay more money to continue after you die. That means the game is all about monetization. The game is rigged against people unwilling to spend more money then they have to.
I was outraged. The last time I had been this angry was when that NAZI Ronald Reagan had taken office. This was NOT ok. I will happily support my favourite game developers, but this unfair means of gaining points is basically robbing people blind.
The art on the cabinet is nothing like the real graphics. It is false advertising.
Overall: my experience with this game has been bad. Pac Man’s graphics suck, the story is incoherent, it is P2W. No one will ever spend their time playing this game, mark my words